TWISTED PROTECTION
by Joel-Gomes
Summary: Mr. Raines receives a special visit from... the 'family'.


_**TWISTED PROTECTION**_

By Joel Gomes

Author's Note: Inspired on the ARMY PROTECTION RACKET sketch by Monty Python (the best comedy team ever!)

It was a day like any other at The Centre – murders, autopsies performed on people still alive but wishing to be dead, protected secrets, terrorist attacks planned. Everything was as good as normal, that is except for the blue sky and the chirping birds. But in the deepest bowels of The Centre, under layers and layers of concrete and steel, there was no place for birds. There, on the feared SL-27. Dr. Raines had settled his private playpen.

The search for Jarod was getting fruitless day by day ever since they lost him on the flight from Carthis. Each time the retrieval team came back there were less if any clues at all. There were few reports to read so he had enough time for his experiments.

His hobbies.

Ok, here's the thing, some people play chess, others collect stamps; Mr. Raines is the kind of fellow who enjoys impregnating women with genetically altered sperm, turn normal people into sociopaths. That's fine, I guess.

Now that we have our basic setting – Raines on SL-27 – it's time to bring in the bad guys.

"Dr. Raines?" A female voice came from the intercom.

"I told you didn't want to be disturbed." Raines wheezed.

"There are two gentlemen here to see you."

"Tell them to come back later. I'm busy right now."

"They're wearing suits."

"Even so, tell them to come back another time."

Raines returned to his doings. Just then, the door burst open and two men entered Raines' private playground. Their appearance made them look like they came from a gangster movie.

"What are you doing here?" Raines asked, trying to keep a calm posture.

"You've got a nice organization here, Mr. Raines…" one of the men said. His Italian accent only confirmed they were gangsters.

Raines blushed. "Thank you. We try our best."

"We wouldn't want anything to happen to it."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's just say if an accident should happen; someone dying, for example. That wouldn't be good, would it?"

"We never kill anyone unless we want to."

"Nevertheless, accidents do happen. Things break."

To enforce his partner's statement, the other gangster picked a bottle with a green liquid and threw it against the wall.

"My mutant blood sample!"

"Oh, sorry about that. My brother's a bit clumsy. He has a bad habit of breaking things when he's unhappy. Are you unhappy now, Mario?"

"_Si_." He answered while burning a stack of papers on a desk.

"My script!"

Raines grabbed the nearest fire extinguisher but it was too late – the papers were nothing more than ashes now. A normal man would react impulsively, but Dr. William Raines was known for his sheer coldness.

"That was my 'Bold and the Beautiful' draft, you idiot! I was going to sell it to CBS!"

"They should have called it 'Bald and the Beautiful' instead."

"Why did you do it? What possible reason could you have to be this mean?"

"He didn't do it on the purpose. It was… an accident. We're only here to ensure that nothing like that ever happens again. I think that 5 million dollars a week is enough to ensure that."

"What if I say no?"

"Well, in that case you'd be the first to know what happens to those who try to go against the family's wishes. You have three days to decide."

"You can't scare me."

"No need to. Three days."

The two men left the room, leaving Raines finally alone to release his emotions. He was scared to death. He didn't want to pay for protection, but he had seen what these two brothers were capable of. What if they had cousins and uncles? No, he couldn't let happen.

He needed to get rid of them, but he couldn't do it by himself. He needed help and there was only one person who could help him. But first he needed to get the DSA of the last fifteen minutes destroyed or else his crying scene would be on the entire staff's computers.

------/-----

"So you want me to help you, is that it?"

"You're the only one I can come to, Sydney."

"I don't know what you expect from me. I don't know any gangsters."

"But Jarod does. Jarod's smart. Real smart. He can help us."

"He can. But I don't think he will."

"You have to call him, Sydney!"

"I really don't know..."

"Oh, please! Please! Please!"

"All right!" Sydney sighed. "I'll contact him but I not giving you any guarantees he'll do it."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

"Shut up! Man, you're becoming more annoying than Lyle when he receives a new bride." Pretending to have only nine fingers, Sydney began singing. "I got a wife! I got a meal! I got a wife! I got a meal!" Then, he paused. "Grow up, will you?"

Raines decided to follow Sydney's advice and returned to his playpen.

Meanwhile, after posing as a busboy for two weeks, Jarod thought it was time to move to another location. Perhaps it was too soon, but Jarod was a smart fellow. He probably knew what he was doing.

So, while packing his stuff, he received an email from Sydney asking for his help. No problem there. When he saw who he was supposed to help and against whom he smiled.

------/-----

The next day, despite Mr. Raines' attempts to keep the threats a secret, the information had, somehow, gotten to the press. As a result, reporters were swarming The Centre's employees like flies around honey. Mr. Raines' house was on top of the list. Headlines went from 'INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION DEDICATED TO THE ABDUCTION OF CHILD GENIUSES THREATENED BY THE MOB' TO "EVIL FIRM FORCED TO PAY FOR PROTECTION. CHAIRMAN SAYS: «WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!»'

The media frenzy didn't stop for the next days and Jarod's lack of response was not helping either. Raines and Lyle knew it was only a matter of time before Mario and his brother, whatever his name was, came to execute their threat. They were desperate, but there was nothing they could do. What chance did a company like The Centre had against such vicious fiends? The answer was terribly simple – none.

The phone rang and both men ran to answer it. Raines won because he hit Lyle in the head with his oxygen tank.

"Raines. Who is this?"

"Mr. Raines. So sorry to hear you breathing."

"Jarod! My good friend..."

"Cut the crap, gas breath. Here's how it's gonna happen. I'll help but it's gonna cost you."

"I can give you all the information we possess about your family, your past, everything. Just please, help us!"

"Too late for that. I found all of them last week. What I want YOU and LYLE to do is to go to this address and do what the people there tell you to do."

"What's it about?"

"You'll see."

"Fine. What's the address?"

Jarod spoke the address. Raines noted it down and ended the call. Lyle was starting to wake up.

"I hate it when you do that."

"Stifle it!"

"'Stifle'? Who are you, Archie Bunker?"

"Yes. Get up, Edith. We have someplace to go."

"Where?"

"I don't know either. Jarod said he will only help us if we go to this address and do what people there tell us."

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"You have a better idea?"

"No."

"Then shove it."

------/-----

The address belonged to a bar in New York called the Blue Oyster. Lyle and Raines entered the bar and scanned the crowd.

"This doesn't look good."

"No, it doesn't."

"I think this is a..."

"I think so too."

"Maybe we should go back."

Before either one of them could decide what to do, four men grabbed and dragged them to the stage.

"Wait! What're you doing?"

"Do you know who we are?"

"You're that guy who whining on the news yesterday."

One of the customers yelled out. "Hey everyone! It's the wheezer my cousin Jeff told me about!"

Jeff! The DSA director he had killed apparently one email too late.

"Jarod told us to come here!"

"We know."

Raines and Lyle were thrown to the stage and stared at the anxious face around them.

"He told you to do what we tell you to, right?"

"Y...yes."

"Well then, strip."

"What?"

"You heard. Strip."

Lyle swallowed and started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Not like that. Do it... with style."

A music started to play. Raines is the first to get in the beat. His body moving to the rhythm.

"C'mon, Lyle. It's not complicated."

Moments later, they were the kings of the night.

"It's a good thing no one at The Centre is gonna see this or we would loose our dignity."

"Oh, didn't we tell you?" The manager grinned. "This is being transmitted worldwide."

"What!" Lyle was dumbfounded, to say the least.

"Welcome to 'Jarod's camera'!"

"No!"

------/-----

The next day, newspapers showed headlines about the threat to The Centre no longer existing. Lyle and Raines were nowhere to be found, but apparently Jarod had been true to his word.

Miss Parker was appointed as the new Chairman and was now running The Centre.

But there was still one question left to answer. What had happened to Mario and his brother?

Well, after paying them their cachet for performing the role of two gangsters, Jarod thanked them and offered them a ride to the airport. He smiled. His plan had worked out perfectly.


End file.
